January 29, 2012

It's time for my mammogram.

A word to those of you ladies who haven't yet experienced
its joys: It hurts like hell—you'll feel like Giles Corey.


February 1, 2012

After she uses the litter box, my cat runs out of the bathroom like she's
fleeing the scene of a crime.

And in a way, she is.


January 31, 2012

Tomorrow's Open Mic night at The Museum of Sex. Two of my coworkers are coming to see me tell a story. I told them it could get a little "blue." I'm a little nervous about telling a sex story in front of them. I hope I don't chicken out and lose my mojo, such as it is. 


January 28, 2012

I had a first date not so long ago—it didn't go well.
I did all the talking; he didn't have much to say. It was exhausting.

At the end of the date he walked me to the subway and invited me
back to his apartment. I told him no. His reply: "Oh come on.
I haven't had sex in SO long."
(He certainly knew how to make a lady feel special!)

Thank god the train came.
I honestly thought I'd never hear from him again, but he kept emailing
me until I told him I was seeing someone else.

He was outraged.


January 26, 2012

When I traveled through Asia a million years ago,
I met a German woman named Silke. She told me that in Germany,
"She has a lot of wood in front of the hut," is euphemism
for "large breasts."


January 25, 2012

I'm a little worried that my full-time freelance gig
might go away soon.


January 23, 2012

On November 6, 2011, I ran—and finished—the New York City Marathon.

People often ask me what my time was. I keep it a closely guarded secret.